Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Birthdays in Heaven

Wow, let me start by dusting off the keys of the keyboard that have not seen a new blog post since November. Trust me, it is not for lack of things to say, just lack of time to do, well, anything! Our lives seem to hang in the balance of some centrifugal vortex that keeps me moving at the speed of light in one hundred different directions at all times. Sound familiar?!
Saturday marked a milestone that I wasn’t at first sure how to…celebrate? Remember? Mourn? The anniversary of Lincoln’s first birthday and his first birthday in Heaven snuck up on me without warning. I know, it comes at the same time every year, and I knew logically that June 22 was fast approaching, but where in the world did all of the time go from June 23, 2012 until now? And it is not because I have withdrawn from living. In fact, quite the opposite is true. We are living life abundantly and exponentially BLESSED. How can we not? Lincoln showed us the meaning of true blessings, true love, and truly living the life that we have on this earth to the fullest each and every day. I think that is why his birthday snuck up on me! Sometime between the second and third month after his death I started losing track of the daily countdown of how many days it had been since he died. And I began to realize that life is too short. His life taught me more about appreciating the little things and living in the moment. I don’t take crazy ridiculous risks, but I am not afraid to do something out of my comfort zone anymore. Why not? Christ has already ordained the number of my days. I have Heaven waiting for me (and a beautiful little dark-haired baby boy!), so what do I have to be afraid of? Prior to Lincoln I would have been afraid to go to Africa, but what a blessing it was to me to see those beautiful children all the way around the world. I guess I just don’t want to miss out on the blessings that do come and will continue to come from Lincoln’s existence.

Tommy and I talked about these things on the way to Lincoln’s gravesite on Saturday. We are just so grateful. Grateful that we were chosen to be Lincoln’s parents, grateful that Our Father holds his little hand now in Heaven, and honestly, grateful that Lincoln was called home to a place where he doesn’t have to have pain or fear or suffering. We placed flowers at his stone, and then Tommy, Rocco, and I all picked out a balloon and released them to Heaven. Who doesn’t need balloons on their birthday?! And there were no tears that day. It was more of a celebration of life, and I think Lincoln wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Of course, the tears came on Sunday during the church service, but that is ok, too. The tears were for a mommy’s heart that won’t get to see her baby boy grow up, and still quietly mourns all of the “might-have-beens” with her child. But overall, my tears are tears of thanksgiving. I am overwhelmed with blessings. God chose me to be Lincoln’s mommy. God chose me to have the opportunity to humbly tell Lincoln’s story and in turn share His love. God chose me…wow, He chose me. I am forever grateful. Happy Birthday Lincoln! I love you to infinity and beyond!