1. Lincoln's heart rate was 156 beats per minute. His heart still looks like it has a defect (more specifically this time, we were told it was a questionable VSD, or ventricular septal defect--basically a small hole in his heart between the two ventricles. Apparently this was suspected earlier but we were only told of a possible blockage somewhere). At this point, he is really too big to get a good reading on the heart, so all that we can see is that his heart still looks a little enlarged on one side and is "displaced" a bit (not exactly in the "right" position). I am quick to inform them that my heart is tilted a little as well, so this must be normal and hereditary :) In a "normal" baby, a defect of this type wouldn't be worrisome as it is easily fixed, and also can heal spontaneously on its own.
2. Because Lincoln is very low now (and believe me, don't I know it!), we were unable to get a good scan of his brain as well. Of course, the two things that we wanted to see the most were difficult to see at this point. (Coincidence? Hmmm...I serve a BIG GOD, so maybe He has something special planned!) One thing that caught our attention was that his head circumference had actually "caught up" with his gestational age, and his bilateral something or other (the "horizontal measurement of his head") was actually showing larger than gestational age growth. This has never been the case before, as the head has always measured one week or more behind. Although I asked the doctor about the significance of this growth and was told that this was normal, I can't help but be so hopeful that God has made changes in Lincoln's little body. Perhaps He has healed his small cerebellum? I don't know, but I am clinging to that faith and hope. I was telling my doctor today how it is so hard for me to even think that there is anything wrong with him. He gently told me that lots of fetal movement, etc. was not abnormal for a trisomy baby. When I questioned what was the greatest physical concern besides the actual trisomy diagnosis, I was told that the trisomy diagnosis trumps everything. And logically I know that, but it is still just so hard to accept! When I read statistics about trisomy babies, the majority of fatalities are due to heart defects, apnea, etc, which are all caused by some type of defect in a bodily system. Since all of Lincoln's systems appear to be working so well, it is just hard for me to believe that just because he is classified as trisomy then that is it. Who knows?! I have actually been feeling very optimistic and surreally calm the last two or three weeks. I can't explain why, especially when I feel like I could go into labor at any minute and I have no bags packed and nothing prepared, but I know that God is providing that peace for me.
It is so hard to explain how I logically understand the medical community's stance and the reality of this disorder versus what seems to feel so normal and perfect. I guess that is just faith. I got to speak to a friend from church who is a NICU nurse about the circumstances surrounding the actual birth. I have been most concerned about what will happen when Lincoln finally arrives and how his birth would be handled by the doctors and the nursing staff. She was able to provide me with some good information that really reassured my spirit. Thanks, Laura! And ultimately, I cling to the belief that God is going take care of Lincoln no matter what and that no decisions that Tommy and I make are going to affect the outcome of his life. We just need to trust, obey, and LOVE.
3. Lincoln had grown exactly spot on what an average baby should gain in a month's period. (a half a pound a week, so two pounds for 4 weeks). His previous weight was 3lbs 10oz, and today he tipped the scale at 5lbs 9oz. He has shot up to the 27th percentile. Not too big, not too small. Juuuussst right!
Aside from these measurements, we really didn't get much else on the information side of things. I was not checked today for dilation or effacement, and that won't come for another two weeks. (Rats! I was really hoping to at least find out if anything had started happening yet!) I feel like he has really dropped in the last week, and I know he has because I get the looks when I
So, at this point, we just watch and wait. Today is exactly one month from my actual due date, so we definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't felt ready or prepared for what is to come (and really, how do you prepare yourself for that?), but sometime in the last week I have found myself telling people that yes, I am ready. I am ready to meet my sweet boy. And I am just trusting that things are going to turn out fine. I am still expecting a miracle, but I also know that every life is a miracle, no matter how long it is lived out on this earth. So ultimately, we'll all be ok. And people have been asking me if I am ok. "Lindsey, are you REALLY ok?". And the answer is yes. God has provided a peace in my soul that I can't explain. Ask me again in a few weeks and the answer might be totally different, but at this point we are taking one day at a time. And I am feeling good, and loved, and lifted up, and just...OK. And if you want the true answer, it would also include very tired and very busy and overwhelmed!
Just as an aside update, our house is coming along so quickly. It will be fully framed up and I think under roof by the end of this week. That is keeping both Tommy and I so occupied that we don't have time to stress the small stuff. Rocco is growing like a champ and is a total, all-American little boy. Every night we go outside for about an hour while he hits golf balls. It is hilarious and more closely resembles hockey, until he pulls his little club back like he has a backswing. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen. He actually sat and watched the U.S. Open last night for about an hour. He is 20 months old...what toddlers do that? I think I might have a Tiger on my hands :) If I can find the extra time (yeah right!) in the next few days I will try to post a few pictures. I am trying to keep my video camera and digital camera cleared off so that they will be ready to throw in the hospital bag at a moment's notice and still have plenty of memory and batteries.
Thank you all for your continued prayers for us and especially for Lincoln. We covet your pleas to Jesus on our behalf for our sweet son. There are times that I don't even know what to pray for, but I am lifted up knowing that so many requests have been made on my behalf for Lincoln, and I know that God understands my heart and my prayers even when I don't have the words to say them. I am so thankful for these gifts from the Father, and that He is always listening and walking with me on this path.
Blessings for Lincoln, and blessed be the name of the Lord, who is sustaining us and leading us on this journey.
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